


some say love is a caging thing

by loursetlalune



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Asexual Character, Demisexuality, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-01-04
Packaged: 2018-09-14 18:23:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9197777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loursetlalune/pseuds/loursetlalune
Summary: Three months after the Sanctuary falls, Daryl is struggling to find where he belongs in the new world.'Where' turns out to be a person rather than a place.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This hasn't been beta'd! If you see a typo, please let me know. My feelings will not be hurt. 
> 
> This will be chaptered. I don't know how frequent updates will be. If embarking on an incomplete story gives you anxiety, I feel you friend. No hard feelings. If it makes a difference, I have no intentions of abandoning it without finishing it, however long that takes me.
> 
> I've tagged this story with 'Asexual Character' because Daryl genuinely identifies as asexual in this story. Until things change. As a character who grew up in rural Georgia with (I have assumed) limited access to any actually helpful sexuality education, I don't feel it's a stretch that he would not know that demisexuality is a thing. Until he does. Hopefully this doesn't bother anyone.
> 
> [Title is a very slightly changed line from 'Song For Zula' by Phosphorescent, which I changed to suit my purposes *shrug emoji*]

 

 

It’s been three weeks since the war ended. Almost three months since he got out of the Sanctuary. Almost three months since he’d sat, filthy and alone, in that cell. Just over three months since he’d accepted that, yes, he might die there. Just over three months since he’d accepted that, yes, maybe that was for the better. 

 

————— 

 

When he made it back to Hilltop that day with Jesus and saw Maggie, she’d cried — she’d _cried_ , she was so happy to see him. She’d hugged him tighter than anyone else had in a good long while, and had told him how relieved she was that he was out. She’d told him that she knew he could survive.  

 _“If anyone could make it out of there, Daryl, it was you._ “

She didn’t mention Glenn, and Daryl couldn’t bring himself to, although it was all he could think of. He didn’t tell her that if anyone _should_ have made it out of those woods, it should have been Glenn. He didn’t tell her that he wished it was him that died instead. He didn’t tell her that he was sorry. He hugged her back and cried with her and hoped that she understood. 

Days later, he’d met Rick and Carl and Michonne at the gates, and Rick had put Maggie’s hug to shame. Daryl felt energized beyond what he thought he had left in him when he saw the look on Rick’s face as he accepted his gun back. 

The next several weeks were a blur of preparations being made and plans being put into motion, all the while staying hidden from the Saviours. He couldn’t stay at either community longer than one night, spent more than a few nights in the woods sleeping on the ground, or hiding out in a burnt-out shed or falling-down barn. Some of those nights he truly found himself wishing for the dog food rather than going to sleep hungry, especially knowing he had to be up and on the move again in a couple of hours. But he made it, they got organized, and they got ready. 

Then the war had happened. He’d realized then why it wouldn't have been better if he'd died at the Sanctuary. He needed to be part of the fight, for all of them. He need to be there because they needed to win. 

And they did.

Then the war was over. 

Then he could go home. 

 

—————

 

Being in Alexandria had never been easy for him. It was difficult since that first time coming through the gates when Aaron had brought them from the barn to the town. Daryl didn’t trust anyone inside the walls, and he could tell they didn’t trust him either. He remembers vividly the way Jessie looked at him like he was a straggler who'd climbed over the wall by mistake instead of coming through the gate at Rick’s side with Deanna's blessing. He remembers Aiden trying to hit Glenn, seeing nothing but red as he jumped on Nicholas, Rick pulling him off and begging him to let it go. It wasn’t easy, knowing that it would be up to them to keep that whole place safe. They’d done their best, but the Wolves had still come, and then the walkers crashed down the wall and Daryl had really thought for a split-second: _this is it. just like the prison. this is how this place ends._ But that hadn’t been it. They’d come back from that too, somehow, like maybe their luck was turning. Then Jesus had turned up, led them to the Hilltop and things were really looking up for the first time in a long time.

The Saviours didn’t waste any time changing that. 

It was never as difficult for Daryl to be in Alexandria as it is now, knowing that Glenn and Abraham aren't there. It was never as damn-near-impossible for Daryl to be in Alexandria as it is now, knowing that Negan is there too. 

 

—————

 

Daryl could count on one hand the number of times he had disagreed with Rick on anything important over the years. Even when Daryl had left with Merle, even when Rick had sent Carol away, none of that compared to the complete and utter betrayal he felt when Rick brought Negan back to Alexandria at the end of the war. He’d tried to reason with him, but Rick would have none of it. 

 _“You couldn’t kill that kid back at the farm, I get it. I couldn’t either. But this is_ different _, Rick. He killed them…. he tried to kill you. He tried to kill Carl. He tried to kill all of us, and he’s going to again, if he gets out. That cell ain’t gonna hold him. He can’t be here, where we all sleep. We just got this place back. This ain't the way to keep it safe.”_

And when that didn’t work: 

_“You’re a fuckin’ coward for letting him live, you know that? Putting everyone here at risk. Carl and Judith…. for nothing. For a piece of shit that shoulda died the minute that place fell. You know Maggie thinks you’re wrong too, right? Know that’s why she won’t set foot here? She can’t look you in the eye knowing he killed Glenn and you’re giving him three square meals a day. You proud of that, Rick? You proud of yourself?”_

And when that didn’t work: 

_“I’ll kill him myself. I’ll go in there and I’ll kill him my fuckin’ self if you won’t do it. I’ll cut his throat. I’ll choke him to death with my bare hands, Rick, I’ll cut his eye out and feed it to him like he said he’d do to Carl, huh? I’ll cut his arm off with a hatchet, I’ll burn his face with an iron and I’ll make him eat off the floor and I'll piss on him and I’ll set the whole fuckin’ house on fire and he’ll go up with it—”_

_—_ that hadn’t worked either. His own anger had disoriented him, blurring his memories all together — the forest, the Sanctuary, and Beth at the shack all at once… Rick had hauled him away from earshot of the others and stoically repeated the same thing he’d said all along on the topic. 

_“This is the way it’s going to be.”_

Daryl wasn’t so far gone that he'd miss that Rick left off the _“and if you don’t like it, the gate’s open”_ that usually followed. He probably knew he’d be playing with fire if he said that to Daryl now. 

That was the thing though — whether Rick had the balls to say so or not, the gate was open.

 

—————

 

Before dawn, Daryl wakes up in the empty attic of one of the houses and rubs the haze of sleep out of his eyes. He takes no more than a moment to fully wake up, rolls over from the pile of blankets and pillows and sits to pull his boots on. The night before, he’d gone to the pantry and grabbed himself enough food to last him four days outside the walls, just in case. It had been a struggle finding someone as organized and as well-suited to keeping inventory as Olivia was, so the task had fallen to several different members of Alexandria in shifts, and it wasn’t difficult to sneak in and get what he needed. He arranges the items in his pack now, guilt chewing at the corner of his thoughts for taking what wasn’t really his. 

In the weeks since the Sanctuary fell and the war ended, things in Alexandria were far too calm for Daryl’s liking. People seemed ready to celebrate, ready to relax and let down their guard. If Daryl had learned one thing from the disaster the world had become, it was that there was never going to be a safe time to let down his guard ever again. It made him all manner of uneasy to see people walking around laughing, weapons put away when they were inside the walls, as if danger couldn’t get in. How many times did danger have to show up here before people would realize it didn’t care whether it was invited or not? 

He finishes loading what he needs into his pack, slings his bow over his shoulder and slinks downstairs. The sun’s not up yet, but he can tell it’s going to be soon. There’s a chill in the air that’ll disappear when that happens. He makes his way to the gate, relieved when he’s sees it’s Aaron there and someone hadn’t traded shifts at the last minute. 

Daryl waits until he gets close enough to Aaron that he won’t have to shout. “Hey, open the gate.” 

“Where are you off to?” Aaron asks, releasing the catch and sliding the gate open. 

“Out,” Daryl says simply. “Be a few days.” He wheels his bike out towards the road, willing Aaron to quit with the questions. 

“Does anyone know you’re going?” Aaron asks. 

“You do.” 

“Okay, well… do you want me to come with you? I can get someone to take over—” 

“Nope.” Daryl’s out the gate now, ready to hit the road. 

“Daryl…” Aaron sighs. “Will you at least tell me where you’re headed?” 

“I’ll be back in a few days,” he repeats, and pulls the gate shut behind him before firing up the engine of his bike and tearing down the road towards the highway. It’s not long before he sees the first the first glow of the sun come up over a field. He’ll make it to Hilltop by lunchtime. 

 

—————

 

“He’s out of his fucking mind,” Daryl tells Maggie. “He’s lost it. We have to do somethin’.” 

Maggie sighs and shakes her head. “I don’t agree with him on this, and you know that. I want Negan dead. I won’t pretend otherwise. But to say Rick’s lost it, I just don’t know. We’ve seen him lose it, for real, at the prison after Lori. I don’t think that’s what this is,” she says. 

Daryl chews his thumb and looks out the window of Maggie’s trailer. People are walking around outside here too, just like Alexandria, oblivious to the fact that the threat is still alive and closer than any of them should be comfortable with. 

“He won’t listen to me,” Daryl mumbles. 

“If he won’t listen to you, then I don’t know why you think he’s going to listen to me.” Maggie picks up an apple from the basket on the table and wipes it on her sleeve before taking a bite. It’s something Daryl saw Gregory do countless times in the the time he spent holed up here before the war started. 

After a pause, Daryl nods toward the house and asks her “Why didn’t you take his office?”

Maggie chuckles at that. “That space is being put to much better use now,” she says thoughtfully. “And I don’t want people to think I’m him.” 

“They won’t,” Daryl tells her. “You two put this place back together. They love you here.” 

Maggie nods, “Well, I don’t take it for granted that people are happy to have me here. I want to do right by everyone. And that means that I won’t live on a hill up above them just because they trust me to make some decisions.” 

 _When did she get so wise_ , he thinks. It reminds him, suddenly, of Hershel inviting them into the farm house, what feels like a lifetime ago. Before he can stop himself, he blurts out, “Sound like your dad.” 

She smiles, and it’s more happy than sad, thank god. “He would have liked this place,” she says. “Plenty of space to grow food. He would have been right in his element.”

Daryl nods, looking back out the window. Beyond the trailers, there are gardens on top of gardens and Daryl’s seen the haul of fruits and vegetables they bring in. There’s an abundance of fresh food here, even livestock, it’s almost a completely self-sufficient community. 

Almost. 

He steers the conversation back towards the reason he came here. “If this is gonna work between all the communities, then we need to get him on board with us. Negan can’t be there. He can’t. Something’s gonna happen.” 

Maggie nods. “I agree with you. But it isn’t up to me. What Rick wants to do in Alexandria is up to Rick. I told him what I thought back when he first told me what he was going to do, and he did listen to me Daryl. But for his own reasons, this is what he thinks is right.” 

“Ain’t right,” Daryl rasps. 

Maggie sighs again. “What does Michonne think?” 

“That whatever Rick says, goes.” Daryl drinks from the glass of water on the table in front of him and wipes the back of his hand with his mouth. Just then, there’s a knock on the door of the trailer and Sasha walks in. 

“Daryl,” she beams, and crosses the short distance to hug him. “I just got back, Jesus told me you were here. We weren't expecting you. How are you?” 

“Fine,” he grunts, returning her hug.

"You came alone? Didn't run into any trouble?" she asks, pulling back to look at him. 

"Nah," he replies. “Came to talk to y’all about Rick.” 

“Oh,” says Sasha, eyebrows lifting. She turns her gaze toward Maggie. 

“Daryl wants our help talking to Rick about Negan,” Maggie tells her. 

Sasha flinches at the name. “Seems like there’s no talking to Rick about him, last I tried,” she says coldly. 

“Maybe we all need to talk to him together,” Daryl suggests. “Show him we’re all on the same page and he’s the only one that thinks it’s a good idea keepin’ him alive down there.” 

Sasha shakes her head, “I don’t know, Daryl. I really gave him a piece of my mind the last time he was here. Maggie too, right at this table. It didn’t stick.” 

“Well we gotta do somethin’,” Daryl says firmly. “Ain’t right to let this go on. It’s gonna end badly. We can see it. He can’t. It’s on us to show him.” 

Maggie and Sasha exchange a look. “Daryl, Sasha and I have our hands full here as it is. We’ve spoken our piece to him already. I don’t know what more we can do.” 

“Then if we can’t talk to Rick, we gotta get down there and kill him ourselves,” Daryl says plainly. “Me and Sasha can do it.” 

Sasha shakes her head. “I’m sorry Daryl, but I — we’ve really started to build something here,” she says. “Something here and something between Hilltop and Alexandria. I want him dead, as much as you, or maybe more, but I won’t jeopardize what this could be just so I can have the satisfaction—” 

“Ain’t _about_ satisfaction,” he interrupts. “It’s about keeping everyone safe. You think he can’t get out of that cell? I got out of my cell in the Sanctuary and beat a guy’s head in before anyone noticed. What do you think Negan can do if he gets loose in Alexandria? Worse than that, you can bet on it.” He doesn’t mention that the only reason he got out of that cell was thanks to Jesus’ help. He tries not think about the fact that until right now, nobody other than Jesus knew he’d killed Joey at the Sanctuary before he got away. 

Maggie looks at him, not with pity, but some other expression he doesn’t recognize. “We can try to talk to him again,” she says. “No promises on what it’ll accomplish, but we’ll try.” 

Sasha looks like she’s shooting daggers at Maggie, but nods too. “Sure,” she says. We’ll try.” 

Daryl feels relieved, nods at them both and presses his palm to the table. It’s worth something, saying they’ll try, even if that’s all his trip accomplishes. It’s something. 

Maggie stands up with a hand on her belly and reaches for Daryl with her other hand. “Come on,” she says. “Lunch is finished, but there’ll be leftovers. Let’s get you fed.” 

 

—————

 

When he's done eating with Maggie and Sasha, Jesus joins them in the kitchen, and the three of them take Daryl on a tour of what’s new at Hilltop since the war ended. Things have changed, but not significantly. Hilltop sustained damage during the battle, and in the weeks since it was over it was clear that Maggie and Sasha hadn’t wasted any time getting started on the repairs.

“We had to fix the wall here,” Maggie points out. “That was the first thing we did. These whole two panels came down. We were pretty exposed for close to a week while everyone focused on getting them back up.” 

“We were lucky that so many people stepped up to help, with all kinds of stuff,” Sasha added. “Once those panels were back in place, we started working on stuff inside the walls. Getting people organized, getting people jobs to do. Just like when we first got to Alexandria,” she says, throwing a small smile in Maggie’s direction. Maggie returns it easily. 

“Jesus has been helping us a lot with runs,” Maggie says. “He’s been going out every few days.” 

“I’m planning on heading to Alexandria in the next couple of days,” Jesus interjects. “Are you staying the night, Daryl?” 

Daryl looks to Maggie. “Got somewhere for me to sleep?” he asks. She bumps his shoulder companionably. 

“Of course we do,” she says laughing. 

“I’ll stay,” he says in Jesus’ direction. “We can head to Alexandria tomorrow.” 

“Awesome,” Jesus nods. “I’ll get some stuff ready to go so we can head out first thing," and then he's off. 

 

—————

 

Sasha takes him into Barrington House, shows him around. Although nothing much has changed inside, Sasha’s eager to show him everything. The whole mood of the place is different with Maggie and Sasha in charge, so although there aren’t many discernible differences since the last time Daryl was here, there’s still a distinct change that he can’t help but acknowledge.

The one big change is Gregory’s office, which Maggie had alluded to before. Sasha opens the door theatrically, and Daryl looks around slowly. The huge desk is no longer present, instead it’s been replaced with smaller tables covered with notebooks, and chairs grouped around them. In front of one of the built-in bookcases, there’s a whiteboard on a stand with wheels, covered in lists of words.

“This is our classroom,” Sasha tells him. “We have an elementary school teacher and a high school english teacher here, from before. They’ve been taking turns with the kids in here, just a couple hours a day, a couple days a week. Something to give them some routine,” she smiles. He can tell she’s proud of it. 

“This your idea?” he asks.

“Mostly Maggie’s,” she says. “She brought it up even before the war. We’ve been talking about it for a while. Started up the classes as soon as the wall got fixed. On his first run after that, Jesus got us this whiteboard from a school up the highway.” 

“What are they teachin’ them?” he asks. 

“Some of the younger ones are just learning to read. The older ones, I think we’re just going to try and teach them everything we can. Stuff about food, how to plant things, how to build things, how to start a fire, how to fix a car.”

“Should teach them fighting,” he says. “Like Carol did at the prison.” 

Sasha’s face falls slightly, but she keeps her smile on. “Yeah. Maybe.”  

“Always gonna be more important now than reading.” 

“You’re right,” she agrees. “But for now, this is something. We’re giving them a foundation in everything we can think of. There are a ton of people here with skills to offer. They’ll have lots of guest speakers,” she smiles.

He nods. “It’s great,” he says as they head for the door together. His own mention of Carol has him distracted now. He hasn’t seen her since the battle here at Hilltop. 

He clears his throat and asks Sasha, “You seen Carol lately?” 

“Yeah,” Sasha tells him as they walk back outside. “We saw her earlier this week. Sounds like things are starting to get back under control at the Kingdom now, too. Ezekiel’s really brought her into his inner circle there.”

He nods, feeling genuinely relieved to hear that she’s doing well. They walk in silence back towards Maggie’s trailer. The sun is starting to go down, and he suddenly feels all at once how long he’s been up and the exhaustion from the day he’s had. 

“It’s funny, isn’t it,” Sasha says “how we all ended up in different places. Me and Maggie here, Carol and Morgan at the Kingdom. You guys back at Alexandria.”

“Mmm,” Daryl hums, not trusting himself to say much more. He doesn’t think there’s anything funny about it. He doesn’t like them all split up like this, the way they are. It isn’t safe. 

“I just think it’s neat,” she continues. “How we all belong in these different places, making things happen. Fixing things. Re-building these places into something new.” 

He doesn’t have any answer to that at all. He wonders to himself if he’ll ever _belong_ anywhere again. Luckily they’ve reached the door to Maggie’s trailer, so Sasha says a quick goodnight, gives him another firm hug and leaves him for the night.

 


End file.
